A tale from two sides January 31, 2009

21st September 2008:
Aditi wrote…
I met him for the first time at Hyderabad during my job training. Because of the kind of fun we had during those few months and with the kind of environment provided, it remotely resembled induction training. I am not exaggerating, but it was more like a luxury resort where we were paid to enjoy the facilities provided. And during one of those days, I met him… Shahid. His training was in a different domain and hence I didn’t get much chance of speak to him. Kiss a guy for an hour and it would seem only for a minute, sit on an hot oven for a minute and it would seem like a hour. Before I could blink my eye, the training was already over and our posting locations had come. I was posted at Hyderabad itself and I had to travel to my hometown the next day. By the time I return everyone would be long gone. I wouldn’t find those familiar faces anywhere in the campus from now on. That was probably the last day I had to say it all, coz I would never have a second chance.

‘Friends’-sometime they terribly fail to understand your feelings. He was sitting right next to me in the lounge and chatting with our group of friends. I wish the rest of them could read my mind and go away leaving the two of us alone so that I could gather some courage to spill my feelings for him out. Well I shouldn’t be blaming them, after all they don’t have any mind reading software installed. Still I just wish they had understood me back then. It was just 1am early morning and someone suggested we go to food court and grab some drink. Those days, 1am was like afternoon for us. After all the chit chatting, fun and mischiefs, we would not hit bed not earlier than 6am. J

We were lazily strolling towards the food court and he was walking by my side. Looking back, its been just two weeks when I had finally got a chance to talk openly with him. That was the day when had been to Charminar. I had already purchased pearl set for my mom and he didn’t have a girl friend to buy any. This meant when the girls lured over the ornaments on display and the guys frantically searched for a good piece for their loved ones, we were spared to enjoy some good moments alone. I had found him very friendly from the beginning & felt comfortable being with him. I desperately wanted to spend some time with him. But now when I finally had some time while proceeding to the food court, this idiot has nothing else to talk other than the base locations, the projects that we will get into, and other irrelevant blah blah stuff. We finally reached the deserted food court and proceeded towards the newly installed coke vending machine.

Shahid had his own ways of doing mischief. After much kicking & shaking the machine for not dispensing the coke even after inserting the coins, he came up with elaborate plans as to how we can cheat the machine and take out a few cans without spending a penny. As he got busy executing his ‘evil’ plans, I was lost in my own thoughts about him. How can a person be as serious about his studies as well as so funny with a good sense of humor? I don’t know why but just felt like holding his arms and plead him not to go. All my friends were going to Pune, Bangalore and Chandigarh and I had been posted at Hyderabad itself. Indeed I love Hyderabad, but I just wanted someone to stay back with me. I was going to be all alone after this day… and I really wished the someone was him. Once he is done with, I would ask him for a long walk around the campus alone- I had decided. But did I have the right to ask him out? He was with his so called best friends and I was not even sure whether he considered me close to him. Why do I find it easy to blabber nonstop 24×7, but find myself lost while speaking to him? As you guessed I didn’t have the guts to open my mouth and after having coke we strolled back to the hostel building.

I realized I was running out of time and had to do something really fast. I wanted to talk to him the whole night. We reached the hostel & everyone dispersed; some went to their rooms and some to the labs. I still had lot of packing left because I was leaving the next day to my home town. I wished he would accompany me atleast till the reception, but he moved in the direction of the lab. Soon he would be lost in those stupid counter strike and other LAN games with his friends. “Can we talk for sometime” I was quite surprised hearing myself say that. “Sure, I would love to” he replied with a bright smile. We sat down on the sofa next to each other. The entire place was deserted and the moment I had waited for had finally come. We were alone there and now I could talk my heart out. “So.. when will we meet again” he finally broke the silence. He always asks the wrong question at the wrong time. This question was a reality check for me that this was indeed the last day I would be meeting him. I didn’t have enough courage to look into his eyes for I was sure I would burst out crying. It’s those moments when sudden grief overcomes your emotions for no reason. I was getting the feeling that I would never meet him again in my life. Mentally I was questioning myself… why do I desperately want him?… why do I feel the urge to stay with him?… Whoever said that in love you don’t have answers said the truth. Suddenly I realized that my eyes had already gone watery… a tilt of my head and river of tears would start flowing from my eyes. I knew very well that he wouldn’t stand his friends crying. Maybe the worst decision I ever took… but quickly I got up, said goodbye and said that I am going to the room to do some packing. From his face I could say that he was quite startled by my reaction. He said something which I could barely hear. Did he ask me to stay? I don’t know and I didn’t ask. Something in his voice told me that that there is something he wanted to tell me that he was suppressing inside. Maybe it was the feeling inside me that was making me imagine things. Does he have feelings for me… the question was running in my nerves. I bid a final goodbye and walked towards my room. I turned back to see whether he is still standing there. Too much expectations, he was nowhere around…gone forever from my life. I ran to my room and cried the whole night.
Today we are in contact but just as friends. I wish I had done something back then. I wish I had atleast spoken my heart that day. I wish he had read my eyes. I wish there would have been more to tell you, but the story ended there. Lagta hai jaise hamare beech me bhi sarhade ban gayi hai….Jo sayad hamesha rahegi…..
 
30th January 2009:
Shahid wrote…
“…and so finally you are committed now. You must have readily accepted ” I typed into the messenger with a smiley. “Nope” the reply came almost instantly. “Why not?” I was quite surprised. She had told me numerous times that he was a good company for her and she found it quite comfortable in his company. Between, the first time I was surprised was when she told me a few months back that she was not committed. I mean it’s very difficult to find a girl as beautiful, charming, smart and open minded as her to be single. I don’t know about you, but she was the first person I had met who never had a boyfriend! Any guess why she never had a boyfriend? Her parents would get her married to anyone she wanted to, so that was not the issue. The reason she gave then fell in line with my reasons- not meeting the right person and no intention to attract unnecessary tension.

She had not replied yet for my previous question. Sitting in office in front of my comp, I waited patiently for her reply as I switched between Office Communicator chat window and Visual Studio instances.  Impatient, I pinged her “U there?”. The reply caught me by surprise-  “Duffer” “Idiot” it said. She continued… “The reason I said no was because the person I love…” she paused briefly “…is you!”  By this time I had gone completely blank. I didn’t know what to reply. You might say that it’s not a million dollar question and the answer is very simple- ‘Yes, of course’. But in my case it was not that easy. A year earlier if she had said the same thing, I might have gone mad with happiness. But over a year things have changed. The reason I gave to everyone for being single is that I didn’t meet the right person; but reality is more complicated than that.

 Sister’s marriage didn’t go easy on me, or at home. If you ever had a inter-caste marriage in your family you would know what I mean. Watching loved ones cry didn’t go easy on me. There were even times when I wanted to run off rather than watch the course of events. Maybe those things made me insulated from the fundamental feeling of human emotions- Love. But saying no to a girl like her was absolute stupidity. Maybe I will have to be reborn a hundred times to get a girl like her. I needed a reality check badly, this couldn’t be happening. “Aditi… are you serious?” finally I managed to reply something. “Yes. I wanted you to know this a long time back” she replied. “Since when?”… I still didn’t want to give an answer. “Since we all were chit chatting in food court a few days before leaving… since we went to Charminar… since I avoided meeting on the last day to avoid crying in front of you.” “But why me?” a wrong question to ask you would say. But I really wanted to know. The kind of person she is, she would easily get anyone she want in this world. I was well aware of the long list of guys who had proposed her earlier. “You are nice, friendly and you care” she replied almost instantly like she knew by-heart what to expect someone. Out of these three, I couldn’t think of one point that made me special. “But why not him? From what you said he didn’t sound any different from me. Then why me?” I had to ask. You know me, I always ask wrong questions at the wrong time. “I don’t know. I find it quite comfortable and open while talking with you than him. Now answer me!” she needed an answer and I had to give one real quickly.

Finally I let open my bundle of secrets- “Listen… ever since I met you, I wanted to talk to you. But I couldn’t because you were always with your own circle of friends. I didn’t want to dash lest I wanted to prove myself as a typical flirt. You would remember how I tried to be with you when we went to Charminar. After that I found it very much comfortable talking to you. Aditi, I always wanted you to notice me, but found it very hard to do. I liked you the very first time I met you. You are beautiful and charming. When I got to know you better, the way you are… sweet, smart, loving and caring, I wished from heart you were mine”.  I gave her sometime to digest what I had said before I continued- “But…”. Probably the only word people want to avoid using in any conversation. The word is like a warning for the other person in the conversation is that something quite contradictory is about to be spoken. I had to say it anyway and hence I continued-“… things have changed since then dear. Lot of things have changed me most of which you already know. I don’t want to do it again; I won’t be able to survive it. I need to say this- I like you very much and somewhere inside… I love you.  But I don’t want this emotion to come out. There is no future in this relationship. I don’t want to hurt you in anyway and I don’t want you to repent in future”. After much silence she replied back “Haven’t to hurt me enough already?”. Again the dead silence.

Suddenly my phone rang. It was her SMS. It read -”Always tel sum 1 how u feel,mean wat u say & say wat u mean even ven its hard b’coz opportunities r lost in a blink of an eye but regrets can last a lifetime…”. I started at the message for quite some time. I had forgotten what I was doing. I could feel a avalanche of emotions built inside me. I was sure I would cry out any moment and it would be terrible to do so sitting at office. “Are you alright?” my colleague asked. “Yes” I barely managed to talk still holding & staring at the mobile.  “Are you sure?” he asked again. “Yes, I am. I just remembered that I need to call up someone” and dialled her office number. No reply; she was not at her desk. I called her mobile next and she kept ignoring. Finally she pinged me “Don’t call. There are people near me”. “Were you crying? What was that message for?”-my intuitions kicked in. To be precise I didn’t have anything better to ask. “Leave it. Just know that in this process of sticking with your rules due to what happened in your life earlier, you are hurting me”. I didn’t know what to reply. I just wished we had a remote control in life. I just wish I could go back in time and change a few things. I wish I could tell her how I had wished earlier that this moment that I had dreamed of would become a reality one day. I wish I could be near her right now and say- ‘I love you too’. Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. But when my dream became reality, I was not prepared to sacrifice.

Chandni Chowk To China – Review January 18, 2009

This could probably the last time I would be coming to Infosys Mysore since the project I amworking on here is complete. I have been to Infy Mysore countless times. The sad part is whenever I leave this place back to Bangalore, the movie running at Infosys multiplex would always be a pathetic one (Khoya khoya chand, Lovestory 2050 etc to name a few).  So I was overjoyed when I recieved the mail that it would be Chandni Chowk To China this weekend. Of course I expected something special being a Warner Bros production. Did it meet my expectations?

(No Spoilers)

The movie begins in China with a villain called Hojo (as you might have guesses, a guru in martial arts) taking over a village and forcing villagers to work for him. The villagers sent a few from their clan to India in search of a man who is supposed to be reincarnation of the legend warrior Lie Chaun (or something like that. all Chinese names sound the same anyway ).  A fake astorloger Chopstick (Ranvir Shorey… friend of Akshay) cheats Sidhu(Akshay Kumar), a cook from Chandni Chowk and takes him to China.

Now you must be wondering where Deepika is! Ah, let me tell you a sad story.

Once upon a time in China, there lived a policeman who was father of Brucelee in martial arts. He captured Hojo (the villain i discussed before) and in retaliation Hojo returns to take revenge. At that point of time our police guy was with his wife admiring the beauty of great wall of China with his just born twin daughters. After breaking down half of Great wall of China using martial arts Hojo pushes our police guy into the valley and  takes one of his daughter away. She grows up to become our Chinese Padukone named… he he he… “Meow Meow“. The Indian Padukone’s name is “Sukhi“. Although Deepika doesnt have much of dialogues in the entire movie we did have our part of fun making sound of cats & dogs (Meow Meow, Bhow Bhow) in the theatre.

Story is quite simple… Akshay doesnt know why he has been brought there… Villain comes and increases the bone count in his body… the villagers take him to their Chinese ayurvedic hospital… our now old policeman guy teaches him Kungfu… and Akshay kills Hojo.  Simply said… ek tha raja, ek thi rani, donon mar gayi khatam kahani.

List of Mental Torture Sequences:

1. In the initial sequences, Mithum Chakraborthy (mama of Akshay) kicks Akshay for disobeying him. You wouldn’t believe what I am about to say. Akshay flies to outerspace and then falls back to earth right in front of Mithun. This action is repeated a couple of times until he falls in front of those villages from China searching for the warrior in India.
2. The story was narrated by a voice which sounded like Discovery channel English to Hindi dubbing, which made you wonder whether you are reading “Amar Chitra Katha” or watching a movie. It was more like “Mein samay hoon…” from our good old mahabaratha.
3. The direction was pathetic. At times it looked like the actors were on a stage drama and have forgotten their dialogues.
4. Whenever there were scenes of the Chinese policemen/ Chinese Deepika/ Indian Deepika/ or a permutation & combination of any of the above, a pathetic background music played in the background with a century old photo of the policeman and two baby Deepika’s . This was repeated unnecessarily throughout the movie. The background music reminded you more of the horror movies of Ram Gopal Varma rather than making you emotional.
5. Deepika would be in next James Bond movie. Wondering why? Well she is definitely a gadget woman. She has this belt Made in India and sold though teleshopping which when worn makes the person wearing it dance using a remote control. Do buy one of these next time you go to discos! But make sure the remote doesn’t end up in some other guys hand like it happened in the movie
6. She goes to China for ad-shoot of some products which will make your jaw drop. One of the product was a device which translates Chinese to Hindi perfectly. Quite handy if you are going to China.
7. The ultimate product was an umbrella resistant to knife, bullets or even bazooka. What more, you can jump from the World Trade Centre and this umbrella would act as a parachute like you see in Tom and Jerry cartoons. I think govt should start giving these umbrellas to civilians to protect themselves in case of a nuclear fallout.
8. The umbrella is extensively used to protect from bullet fire and knife throws throughout the movie. One such sequence was when Deepika and Akshay jumps off from a 200 floor building. During the fall Deepika opens the umbrella and both of them flies away happily. During the flight they fall in love. How romantic
9. Remember I told that the policeman was pushed over great wall of China by Hojo. Assume Deepika to be 20 years of age. 20 years later when Deepika offers flowers from the spot this policemen (her dad, but now a bit mental due to the fall) is still sitting there.
10. Soon after this ex-policeman remembers who he is, the next sequence we see him in uniform as a captain at the police station. 20 years later the job is still waiting for you. Maybe the guy was on ‘Bench’  for 20 years, now put into production.
11. Most of the sequences in China is shot on Great Wall of China. China is a huge country… film it at some other places too dumbos.
12. There was not even one comedy sequence in the movie that was worth commenting
13. Akshay gets an aaloo (Potato) with Ganapati like shape on it. He carries it around thought the movie which pans for about 5 months and still doesnt get rotten. Aaloo ho to aisa ho, warna na ho!
14. Deepika sheds exactly one drop of tear whenever she gets emotional which happens too often. Akshay cries a lot too not to be left behind. The emotional scenes are pathetic.
15. Akshay does some stuff like creating storms and hurriance tossing boats in river. Ranjanikath will have stiff competition now.
16. I have written to facilities of the multiplex to provide seatbelts in all seats. Movies like these are the major reason of increase in suicide rates. It gave me a Strong urge to jump off the balcony of the theatre.
17. Makes Lovestory 2050 a super hit in comparison
18. I could go on and on… but i guess you already got a good idea

Best part of the movie:

1. Interval
2. The End

Makes me wonder:

1. Didn’t Warner Bros get any other movie to produce?
2. This movie was released world wide. The reputation of Indian movies would be in ashes by now!
3. Doesn’t Akshay or Deepika read scripts before signing up for movies?
4. Finally, was the director out of his mind?
5. It says “To be conitinued…” in the end. OH NO! :O

Advice:

Do not watch it, even if its free. If someone offers you free ticket for this movie beat the guy up. He/she is your sworn enemy.

Rating:

I have tried to be as generous as possible….

0.01/10

Things I learnt in 2008 January 15, 2009

A happy new year now would make you think that I live in a different planet! Its just that I was too lazy to write it down… and yes my processor runs a bit slow; it took me 15 days to realise what I have learnt, lost and gained in 2008. Anyway here it goes…

I have learn’t the following:

1. Never underestimate yourself!
2. Learn to say “NO”. It’s really useful sometimes.
3. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for what we become.
4. I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
5. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care some people just don’t care back.
6. I perform the best under preassure. When I am not sitting on an hot oven, I do things at my own leisure. Need to change that.
7. Don’t expect anything back from anyone. The least you expect, the lesser you would get hurt.  (Similar to the saying ”Expecting the world to be nice to you just because you are nice to others is like expecting the lion not to eat you because you are a vegetarian.’)
8. Have goals, dream big.
9. I can be a bit more intuitive and proactive.
10. Try to live in the present
11. Never give up!

Best Moments: Infosys Enterprise Solutions training at Hyderabad. Made lots of friends and had a great time. Probably some of the best moments of my life.

Worst Moments: Points 5 & 7

Good luck for 2009! Between… what did you learn?